Steel Gray
by Appuru
Summary: There's two parts to the Kikyou she is now; one that wants to drag Inuyasha to the dark, and one that wants to pat his head and tell him to go to her. [InuKag, Kikyou-centric]


**Notes››** Sinful fell out of the Inuyasha fandom a long time ago, but she got eaten by plot bunnies and the memories of constant Kikyou bashing for no particular reason. That's why she's writing a Kikyou-centric fic, but it's still InuKag. I don't expect anyone to read this, but then I'm just…venting. Meeh.

**Disclaimer››** Sinful does not own. Stop asking. o

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**STEEL GRAY**

By _Sinful Serenity_

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Inuyasha had instantly known something was wrong when he saw her standing off on the sidelines, calmly watching the fast-paced battle without moving, hollow eyes never leaving her face. Because it wasn't in Kikyou's character to simply sulk about and watch Kagome without trying to suck out her soul or something; because Kikyou hadn't moved at all since first emerging from the dark undergrowth of the huge forests.

But Inuyasha doesn't know there's more then one Kikyou. Not in the sense she had clones of herself running around, and no, Kagome didn't count. Kagome was a completely different person.

Because there's two halves to Kikyou now; there's the part of her that still wanted to grab her bow and arrow and empty her quiver into Inuyasha's uncertain heart until there was nothing left but a empty body and then thrash the rest of his so-called _friends_ he had now—since when did the hanyou have friends?—and then finally take her leave from this accursed life. Drag him, kicking and screaming or maybe hypnotized, into the darkness, receding into the shadows and gradually silencing his echoing screams. To make him suffer like she had, suffer, betrayed by the only one she held dear in a world that hated both of them for what they were.

And then there was the part of her that loved Inuyasha dearly, wanted to hold him close and stroke his long silver-white hair and tell him everything was okay; tell him she was leaving now, and tell him to go to the person that was _really_ waiting for him. Someone who'd wait forever for him; someone who definitely wasn't Kikyou who had wanted to drag him to hell right **then** and **there.**

Tell him to go to the sky-blue girl; tell him to go to Kagome.

Because Kagome's blue, the bright, soaring color of the sky, happy and cheerful and intelligent when it came to the heart; strong and courageous and stubborn where it counted. Because Kagome touched the part of Inuyasha's heart she could never have reached, and because the Blue girl could do something for the dog-demon that she never could.

And Inuyasha was Red, bright and bold and never afraid, always ready to act no matter the consequences, always ready to do whatever he deemed right, always ready to sacrifice everything for something he held precious. Red, the color of blood and tears, red, the color of a hurting child hidden in a tough, tough shell, red, the color of the bleeding soul.

And somewhere in the middle she was Gray, a shade everyone called torn in the middle, but really just pure White half-tainted Black. Because Gray is in the middle and can never go anywhere else; Gray has no home, no place she belongs, because her time was over long ago and nobody knows why she's there at all.

And slowly, the side of her that wants Inuyasha to admit his feelings for the Blue-eyed girl is taking over, soothing away the angry fits of betrayal that used to shake her very core. Because Red and Blue match so beautifully, and there is no room for any Inbetween.

Inuyasha was not allowed much time to concentrate on both the huge charcoal-black snake demon arching over his head and the Gray girl, because suddenly the Blue tore out of the bushes and let out a string of energy-charged arrows at the reptile. The snake howled in fury and swung its burning eyes at Kagome, hissing dangerously and readying to strike faster then the eye could follow.

Then there was Red, screaming her name, rushing over with that over-sized blade to attack the demon in desperation to protect something dear, and there was Blue, shocked as another arrow she hadn't fired whizzed out of nowhere the struck the demon in his eyes, forcing the huge snake to bowl over and thrash angrily on the ground.

There was Red, scooping Blue up in his arms and leaping away as the pure energy in the Gray's arrows burned away at the flesh of the slowly dying Snake; because Kikyou had a whole hell of a lot of tainted energy that purifies even as it condemns.

"…I-Inuyasha?"

"Idiot!" He hisses under his breath, clutching her body close, "What the _hell_ were you thinking, wench?! I told you to stay undercover!"

And the Blue's bright spirit flares up and she tears away, glaring back with ice to match at the dog-demon, propping her fists on her waist in righteous anger. "I can fight too! Stop pretending I'm weak and useless, Inuyasha! You can't do everything on your own!"

"I can and _will_!" The demon hisses. And already the Gray can tell, his is about to escalate into another one of their foolish fights, another one of the silly quarrels they share and then ignore each other for a few hours before someone apologizes or somebody breaks down and has somebody comfort somebody else. Because Red and Blue match so well, it's only a little while before they come back together.

Instantly her eyes harden as she crosses her arms and looks away, huffing angrily. "Fine! See if I care! I just wanted to—ack!"

And then the red has her crushed against his body, clawed fingers skimming over her glossy raven hair, whispering fiercely into neck; _"I could have lost you…_"

Because it's only a little while before Red and Blue have to come together. Because Red was never good at concealing _exactly_ what he thought. And an astonished Blue finally sees Gray over Red's shoulder, but her gasp of surprise is muffled as a fanged kiss captures her lips and holds her tight, promising to never, ever, let go.

In less then a second, that angry, violent side flares up and Kikyou would like nothing better then to strike him dead right now, right when he's vulnerable because he knows she's there and he's trying to tell her to let go.

Except he doesn't know she's been trying to tell him to move on longer then anyone else.

But that violent storm-gray side dies down as she silently calls the ethereal soul-stealer back, calling out to the shimmering dragon-like creature that No, she didn't want Kagome's soul today, and Yes, she was fine. Because she's heard Inuyasha whispering to his love, whispering words she longed to hear but knew were for someone else—

_"You have pretty eyes."_

Because she remembers when those words were meant for her. She had said then "_Oh?_" and left it at that. And she remembers Red just shrugging, flicking his bangs away as he regards her—quietly, for once—yawns and says, _"Because your eyes are gray. They're not like any other, y'know?"_

And she remembers smiling for once.

"You have pretty eyes."

"Inu—?" But the Red shakes his head, and buries his face in her hair, and tells her not to say anything else, because he's glad she's okay, because he was _so_ close to not being able to save her, because he hates himself for letting another one of his precious people get so close to death, because _her eyes are pretty_, because that impossible color of the sky is like no one else's, no one else's who looks at him in encouragement and adoration.

And they're just standing there amidst the rubble, Inuyasha holding onto Kagome, Kagome beginning to cry tears of joy, Sango and Miroku and Shippo standing off on the side just like she is, all of them watching the couple and Kikyou nervously.

Then Inuyasha finally lets go, and turns a bit to look at her, though his arms are still twined around Kagome's waist, and her heart aches just a tiny bit, because there's a side of her that wanted to pat Inuyasha's head and tell him it's okay now, except any movement she makes now would be interpreted negatively, and she can only watch and cannot voice her support, and she can only watch without warning Inuyasha and telling him to _never let go again._

See? Kikyou loves you. Kikyou wants you to be happy. Kikyou loves you so much, she's killing off the other half of her remaining spirit, quenching the thirst for revenge, slowly deteriorating into nothing, because hatred fueled her existence and now there's no hatred left.

And silently, the dead priestess turns to go, footsteps ringing loudly in the now silent forest clearing, shouldering her bow and arrows as the Soul Stealers fly after her retreating back, feeling a sense of serenity slowly begin to wash over her soul. She cannot cry because she's happy; but she can't be happy because she's sad.

Because she's always torn in the middle.

Because her eyes are **steel gray**.


End file.
